Complete these classic rhetorical questions

What you need a fancy suit for, Charlie...?
(Yeah, I couldn't actually find a link with that in it.)

• What the hell you watching that for...?
  


• What did you have in...?
  

(Feel free to provide your own for others to solve.)

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Another win over a top ten team

And another career-high scoring night from a freshman. The Boilers keep rolling along. They also avenged their sole conference loss.

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The bubble that burst belonged to the Badgers

Purdue 72, Wisconsin 67Purdue got spanked on the boards, and look at those freethrow numbers! But that's a road win (and a season sweep) against a top-ten opponent.

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Revisiting Salinger

I discovered an old copy of Catcher in the Rye that I didn't recognize, much less know that I had, so I decided to re-read it.


I really don't know when I read it before - I'm certain it was before 1975.

I didn't remember any of it, though. I really didn't.

The relationship between Holden and his sister Phoebe really reminded me of Anthony and Grace in the movie 'Bottle Rocket'. That killed me. It always does when you notice something like that, and it can't be an accident. Some phony makes a goddam movie with an older brother and a sister in it, and you can tell that he lifted them from a book everybody has read, you really can.

Anyway, all of the lousy stuff that happened to Holden Caulfield makes me feel kinda depressed. I don't know if I can explain it. I don't think I want to, anyway. I really don't.

I swear to God I'm a madman

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Two rugged weeks ahead for the Boilermakers

Starting tonight (home against Penn State), surprise Big Ten co-leader Purdue has five games over a two week span, including trips to Indiana and Wisconsin.

This mid-February stretch is notoriously taxing, particularly for young teams. Purdue has nine players on the roster averaging between 20 and 22 minutes a game; Four of them are freshmen, and two of them are sophomores.

Further, they have put together a seven game win streak against conference opponents, which no objective observer could have expected.

Frankly, I haven't managed to watch any games this year. Hell, I don't know if I could have if I had tried. I just checked the listings for tonight, and the game isn't on the VHF broadcast channels that I can pick up. In fact, I can't find it in the cable or U-verse listings.

Anyway, these two weeks will be a test.

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The tale must be told

I happened to hear a review of the 2007 Super Bowl the other day.

Of course, it started with the first-ever return of a Super Bowl-opening kickoff for a touchdown, by the electrifying Devin Hester.

That took me back to the most amazing (for me) day of the Bears' 2007 season: week 6 at home to the Vikings on Sunday, October 14.



Incredibly, it was my first ever visit to Soldier Field, even though I had been longing to see a game there for over 30 years. (In junior high, my fellow Bear fan, Steve H. and I used to conspire about taking a bus trip to Chicago for a game during the 1977 season, but that all just evaporated after starting high school at different schools.)

This long-awaited fullfillment of a dream was courtesy of King of Fools and Jo Jo Gunn, and he and I attended together.

We arrived plenty early via a fan bus. Either before we took our seats for the start, or at halftime, I can't recall which, I decided to splurge and buy myself a Bears baseball-style cap. I asked the vendor for whichever style was most likely to fit the largest, and I tried it on. I sheepishly, vulnerably asked the stranger to my right for his candid thought on it. "I think you have a great-big-ass head."

Purchase aborted, candor appreciated.

On the Vikings' second possession of the game, with just over 2 minutes left in the thus far scoreless first quarter, Hester received a punt from Chris Kluwe at the Bears' 11 yard line. Of course, he eluded all defenders for an 89 yard TD.

Now, while I was listening to the discussion of Hester's return of the opening kickoff of the 2007 Super Bowl, and their mention of his sensational rookie season, and happily replaying that punt return in my mind, I couldn't help but to also summon up Bill Cosby's introduction to the wonderful "I Am Third", by Gale Sayers. In his intro, Cosby describes a run of Sayers that he witnessed during which Sayers eluded a defender by splitting in half, and rejoining his halves after passing the defender.

Now, Hester didn't split in half, I don't have that illusion. What he did, though, was equally mystifying. When he fielded the punt, there were three defenders "breaking down" within five yards of him - left, right, and center.

Now, I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that Hester is terrifying to every return coverage player in the league. As a rookie, he established a new single-season record for returns for touchdowns (five), and he would go on to break that record with six returns this year.

That fear was apparent at this moment. Hester hesitated and froze the defenders, before - bibitty squiggity WHOOSH - darting to his right, while the defender to his right over-ran, and the the defender in front of him waved his arms through the air where Neo...errr...Devin had just been. He pretty much split up the right sideline that that was all she wrote.

Of course, Jo Jo and I were beyond jubilent, unable to believe our eyes. It was absolutely amazing that he had escaped that box. What an incredible joy to witness! I'm sure we could have gone home happy at that moment.

Of course, we didn't, and it only took four plays from scrimmage for the Vikings to take back that touchdown. They would trade touchdowns again in the first half, with the Vikings' second coming on a 67 yard run by Adrian Peterson (the one playing for the Vikings, hehe). He would pick up another in the third quarter of 73 yards, and total 224 yards for the day.

Fast forward to the fourth. With 4:20 remaining, Peterson took another carry 35 yards to put the purple pricks up 31-17 (with the PAT). The Vikes weren't about to put the ball in Hester's hands in this situation, so Chicago's Adrian Peterson ended up returning the kickoff to nearly mid-field. First play from scrimmage, Griese gets picked. Crap.

Jo Jo and I agreed on those four ever-regretted words: "Let's beat the crowd".

So we proceeded down the sloped walkways leading down the outside of the stadium, musing about the Bears inability to stop the run, puzzling over the impossible QB situation, but mostly enjoying the memory of Hester's amazing return.

There were a couple of swells of excitement in the crowd noise. Cognitive dissonance helped my block the cheers out as too little, too late, couldn't possibly be of consequence...at first. As we finally reached ground level, though, there rose a roar that we couldn't ignore. Fortunately for us (and a fair number of other regretful gun-jumpers), the entrance to the stands at the corner of the Bears' end of the field were unsecured at this point; we were able to sneak in and stand at the back of the corner of the endzone.

Turns out, after the interception, MN had gone three and out, allowing the Bears to start near mid-field once again, and they managed to put up TD on the third play - a 33 yard strike from Griese to Muhammad.

So now the Bears are down by seven with about 2:30 left. The crowd, of course, is just nuts at this point. The Bears attempt an onside kick, which fails, and the Vikings now start on the Bears 39. Three plays later, the fired-up Bear defense had backed the Vikings out to the 46. Two minute warning.

Jo Jo and I are still standing at the back of the end-zone corner stands. What to do? Not enough time to get to the seats, let's stay here.

Back to play, again, no way are the Vikings putting the ball in the hands of Hester. Kicked out of bounds at the Chicago 19. Shit. How f***ing great would that have been!!! Another touchdown return? Oh, well.

1:53 remaining. This is not a two-minute drill offense, sad to say. Attempted pass in the middle, intended for "our" Adrian Peterson, incomplete. *sigh*

Then, blam! 81 yard touchdown strike to...Devin Hester. Absolute jubilation. Everyone goes berzerk, pogoing like a Sex Pistols audience. PAT good, and the game is tied.

Again...what to do? Let's get back to the seats. NOW! RUN!!!

So, back up the ramps, full steam ahead. Now, um, how to put this? Let's just say that the combination of the incline and the groceries conspired to weaken my legs pretty quickly. Have you ever been running tired and felt your body start to drift lower and lower, your legs unable to recover and push you up again? Yeah, that.

So at some moment, I knew I was going down. Somehow, my reaction was to tuck and roll. I can't imagine how hilarious it would have looked if there had been anyone actually witnessing this. (Jo Jo was a couple of steps ahead of me, probably barely exerting any effort at all.) Full forward momentum, chin to chest, lower the left shoulder, down and over, and back to my feet on my wobbling legs. Hehe.

We proceeded somewhat less hastily to our seats, where I managed to catch my breath, but not before the Vikings sealed the victory with 55 yard field goal with 4 seconds remaining.

What a hell of a day!

Thanks, Jo Jo and KoF!!!

Perhaps sometime I'll be able to piece together the "we want McMahon" day. That was another doozie.

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